Minnetonka Saints Baseball

9/2/2005

Metal beats Lumber

The Country Hicks from Mayerschweitzerville beat the City slickers from Minneonka!!

• We again got to hear the sound of that horrible “PING” that reminded us of many many days ago!  In an effort to reach out to the Northern League,..the Mtka Saints agree to play the Mayer Mudcatz …WOOD vs Lumber!  Somethin like “rock, paper, sizzors”,…except this time,……Wood couldn’t beat Metal!!

Enough said,…………Metal bats SUCK!!!

• As the moving truck is loading up the furniture at the Radio station WWW.CWB2fittyfiSOE@SaintsJungle.com  we are reminded that another Season has come to an end. 

• CWB is gone,….the locks are put back on the field at Big Willow Park, liquor sales are falling at the Lone Spur.

 Ring……..ring,……rrrrrrrr……..iiiinnnnnngggggggggggg.

 2 men & a Truck:                 Hey,…the phone is ringing,….should I answer it?

(furniture mover)

 Security Guard Cornpipe :      No,……I will get it,…you finish getting all of CWB’s stuff out of here.  The season is over,…his lease is up !!

 Security Guard CornholeCuzPipe:  Hello this is 2005 office of  WWW.CWB2fittyfiSOE @ Saintsjungle . 

 Parking Lot Attendant at Parade:  Hey,…I am calling from the field, to tell you what a joy it was to see a bunch of Saints come driving through here to play ball, last night.  Those guys sort of have a”TINY” bit of “Sweetness” to em,..sort of a cross between a “Donkey & a Snake”,…or maybe more like a “Pack of Rats”!!  WOW,…The Saints are SWEET!!!!!

 Security Guard ScottCuzCornpipe:                 Never heard of the Saints,…!!  I work here at some radio station, and I just picked up the phone cause it rang,….so I gotta go,…quit buggin me,…..cause I am mean like a dog!.

 Parking Lot Attendant:               Well,……I will never forget the night the Saints came to Parade.  In fact,…my favorite part was just watching the cars & trucks leaving the lot,…….and watching the bumper stickers as they go, along with a few personalized plates.

 Security Guard CornyCUZpipe:       Bumper stickers?  Personalized plates?

 Parking Lot Attendant:  Yeah,……I saw one that said :

“Crash”,…If you can read this,…I can slam on my brakes & sue you”.

“Corny,…..rhymes with Horny,…..do you want my phone number ?” 

“18”  cause that’s my #

“Gaspipe” The Florida Hitman 

“Glide”

“Lucky” 

PackAttack

Tiny ,……the Heartbeat of America.

“Rat” One tough dang out!

Smokin JoeJoe @ WWW.Shithead.com !! 

“Rattlesnake”  Hotel Manager,…..can I get ya a key?

“BillyKid,……Wanted,…meaningful overnight relationship!”

SchmittyCitytheLilKitty

Burnsie……# 10, home of the 98t..er! 

Sweet Abby Road 

Don,…..Key! 

Kiddo,…….some call me a legend!

& these were just some of the one’s that I remember!!

 Security Guard CUZ:    Well,…you are a sick dude,….cause no one likes the Saints!!  Why do you? 

Parking Lot Attendant:         Well,….most people like a winner,…….Everyone loves a Champion,………& The..Minnetonka Saints are the 2005 Classic / Federal League Champions!! 

“My whole life, my dream was to be part of something special.  I never really had any interest in being a star,..nor did I possess the ability to be one,…..I just wanted to play on a GREAT team,…..& in 2005 I did!!  John Noonan #3 

CWB2fittySOE@Saintsjungle.com

8/29/2005

The Saints WIN it ALL!

 The Sun sets on another season!!

 *  Notice to all radio satellite radio subscribers:   CWB is out of extensive therapy under the direction of Dr. CornywallCrash, and will be broadcasting, today, on your radio dials at WWW.CWB2fittyfiSOE@Saintsjungle.com (chubbywaterboy255StruckoutEddie) @ 18hundred hours  for the 18th and final time for the season of 2005, as “The Sun sets on another Baseball Season”. 

CWB:               Hello all you baseball fantatics & pinetar smellin junkies,….welcome to the final broadcast of CWB for 2005.  First I will have to send out my congrats to all you Mtka Saints!!  YOU DID IT!!!!!!  You are the Champs,……!!!  Remember what sweet Johnny Abercrombie, ole # 92 said to all of you before the Woodbury game,…”To be the BEST,…you gotta beat the BEST”, “To be the Man,…you gotta beat the Man!!!….well,…you took no prisoners,….you beat em all like the dirty rascals that they are!!  YOU ARE THE CHAMPS,…& today,….you became the BEST!!!  YOU NOW STAND ALONE as the “ MAN “!!!!!  I stand today, at the RADIO station, on top of my desk and bow to the North, to you all,….You guys simply ROCK!!!!  I believe TODAY in all of you,….as I believed in you Yesterday,…and always will in the future!!   

Ring,…..ring,…..rrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiinnnnnnnnnggggggg 

CWB:               Hey,…this is CWB,…who do I have out there tonight!! 

Mean GENEOkerland:                Congrats to all them Saints!!!!  Tis the Season!!!  Click!! 

CWB:               WOW!!  How bout that all you listeners,…..the GREAT MeanGeneOkerland from the AWA even loves the Saints!!! 

Ring,….ring,…..ring,….. 

CWB: Hello,..this is CWB,.. 

(the ghost of the great BAMBINO) 

Sultan of Swat:     Congrats to all the Saints!!  You broke the curse!! Click…….. 

Ring,….ring,…. 

CWB:  Hello, this is CWB 

 (Huge Teleconference Call ) Orlando,.Jerome,.Eddie$$,...Kraftie,..Ira,…Ttyme,…Droptraw355,..Andy,…Kimmel,,,AlanArthur, Jesse Lopez…TomTuttle,....Sodie..,CUZ,..Mother Teresa,..LynardSkynard, Paul Wellstone…George W Bush & all those radicalrightwingers  !! Roger Johnson, Kent Rogers, Ted Nugent, Todd from BW Park, the staff at the Lone Spur,…Danny Thompson,  Ron Catrone,., Skinny…Gilligan, Mr. Ed,…Willie Plett, Joe Frazier,..Captain Kangararoo,..Bobby Allison,..& of course,.#3 Harmon Killebrew,:  Congrats to the Saints!!!!  You did it!!!  You Rock the House!!  Go Minnesota!!!!! 

CWB:   WOW!!!  How bout dat, today,…all you radio listeners!!  Look at all the people out there who love ya today!!!  Everybody loves a winner !!!! 

Ring,….ring,….ring,….. 

CWB:   Hey,….put that call on hold, a moment!!  The real purpose of this radio telecast today,…..was to put the 2005 Season in its proper place and take some time to reflect & as Tiny said so well,….”SMELL THE ROSES”,….   So, today,…I will take this year,…this special season, like no other,..and create this special little BOX,…lock that BOX up in my memory, in a place that I can go to any time, I need a smile, a laugh, a cry,  when I need strength, when I need the feel of a victory, encouragement, … and most of all,..just to remember my friends,…everyone of the fellas on the Minnetonka Saints.!!  To fill this BOX,…I will get to create little imaginary folders for each and everyone of the Mtka Saints, … !  Today,….CWB will create the “””My own little HALL OF FAME for the Minnetonka Saints for 2005.””” 

Ring,….ring,….ring,…. 

CWB:   hey,….unplug that phone line!!!  Take it off the hook!!!!! Leave that first caller on hold,…and the 2nd line off the hook!!!

CWB:   The final inductees for the 2005 Minnetonka Saints Championship team are as follows,….in no particular batting order!!

1.   JoeJoe,……..Smokin Joey,..Shithead,……File it under GAMER!  What a performance this year,….gold glove at 2nd base, best all around defensive player on the team,…”create”, sub-folder for Sylvia,…,…JoeJoe,.everybody’s favorite drinking buddy.  I will never forget you talking to yourself on the mound, and out at 2nd base!!  Everytime I see a baseball player with the # 8,…I will be reminded of you! Thank you for 10 great years playing on your TEAM!!

2.    Sodie,…..Where did you go Sodie?   File it under Crack,…..Your buttcheeks & there commitment to the honor of Larry will stand in all of our memories forever!! I will never forget your HR off the scoreboard at BW.

3.    Andy,….File it under,…HUMOR,…..The funniest man on the earth,…er,..at least on our team!!  Will you MC our Awards banquet in January?  We miss you Bro,…..wish you could have been there to celebrate and share the year with us!!  I will never forget your HR at AppleValley over the 275 ft mark!!

4.    Larry,……Kiddo,…..…..File it under Legend!  Most games played,…..Most career at bats,…..Least career stolen bases,….Create special folder under,…..”human rain delay”,…my friend who drives a van wherever he goes…Larry!!  I will never forget your HR down at Dundas that was lost into the tall oak trees!

5.    CUZ,………….File it under TEDDYBEAR!…..To busy fixin his hair all year,…to show up at a game,..but, as we all know… everyone in life will at one time have a hemoroid,…and everyteam has a CUZ!!

6.    Staller,……File it under MIKEY,…..A StallerBall,….the new term for Foul Ball,…..mastered the art of lst pitch swinging,…..in my book,….simply a class act!  I will remember his calls to me to say he couldn’t make the upcoming game,…because he was going to spend the time with his DAD!  That is legit in my book,…that is life in PROPER Perspective & ORDER!!!!!

7.    Donny:    File it under GRITTY!  A Pitbull in human form!  When he was at the game, sitting in the dugout,…you knew you could go to battle with any one!!

8.    Lucky,…..File it under WARRIOR!  Ole # 13,…switchhittin, throw ya out at first from rightfield if you hit it to me baseball player!  I will not forget you Lucky!!

9.    Crash:,….File it under LOVE OF THE GAME:  You opened up all of our imaginations to how fun this game could really be!!  I will never forget seeing your jersey hanging in the dugout in the showdown against the JT’s in the playoffs,….  Young chicks may dig you,…but, not as much as a bunch of over 35 year old Saints do!! Crash,.. I will never forget your dream year, or you my friend,…!!!!!

10.  Burnsie:  File it under FREAK!  There ain’t no one in this league that can compare!  YOU ARE THE MAN!!  Create many sub folders under, warrior, gladiator, nasty, filthy, gamey,. And of course WINNER!!! I will never forget your battles against the Lakers!!!!  No greater joy, than riding to a game with you, and watchin you get us a WIN! I will never forget # 10!

11.   Billy:  File it under WIMWAM!  I will surely forget how good he was in the years to come, but,we can be assured that we would not have been in the winners circle without him,……but, I will never forget seeing him walking hand in hand with WIMwam,..that picture will last in my memory forever!!!!  My friend: Billy the Kid! Young William,…I will never forget you!!

12.    Donkey:       File it under HEARTBEAT,…..create subfiles, under Mr. Doubles,…the Donk,….the sparkplug,…..We would never have possibly been in the championship without his efforts throughout the year! Dawn-Key!  Your hugs,…your kiss,…..you disgusting CRACK,….memories I soon won’t forget!! Thank you,..my friend!!

13.   Todd Radam:             File it under 18,….create 18 subfiles,…under my TRUE Brother,…my friend,….the best SS in the Classic League,….Sophie & Gracie’s Dad,…wittiest on the team,….surely would be voted MOST LIKED by EVERYONE,…by a landslide!!!  18 Cheers for T Rad!!  I look forward to our next 18,918 phone calls together over the next 18 years!! My friend,…FOREVER!!!

14.    Todd C.        File it under Corny.  Something special happens to the Saints whenever he is around.  There is a special something in the dugout that I just can’t identify,…but, without him,……we couldn’t be called the Saints.  Perhaps the biggest Heart that I have ever seen in a person,…one I will not forget,….ever!

15.    Jake:             File it under Rattlesnake:  In the GREAT Book called the BIBLE, it says,…”don’t forget to entertain strangers,…because in doing so,…some have entertained, Angels!!”,….I do believe that ole Jake,…just may be an Angel!  If we are going to be the Saints,….then he is our Team Angel! Jake,…I will never forget you!

16.   Schmitty:     File it under Kitty!  The greatest lesson in recommitment to me that I have ever witnessed in my Life!!  I had lunch with him last January, and he promised me that he would become a leader,….& he lived up to his Word!! I will never forget the lessons that you taught me, …..get me a Wellstone sticker,…in your honor,…I will put it on my Truck!!!! SchmittyCittythelilKitty,..I will never forget you!

17.  Pack:            File it under PackATtack,….I will never forget your HR at Chaska,….and now I will never forget your effort in your crash into the wall at Alimagnet!  What a joy it has been to play baseball with you over the years,…Pack,….I will never forget you!

18.   Eicher:  File it under the ROCK!!!  Whever I drive down a highway,..and see a sign, with the word SPEED on it anywhere,…I will think of you yelling “Speed Kills”,..I will never forget your leadership,…and if I am ever in need of a big “Tiny like hug”,…and you ain’t around,….I will go hug my John Deere Tractor!!!,….Tiny,…I will never forget you!! You are an inspiration to me!!

19.   Abby:  File it under Professional,…..You won the championship for us,…when you broke there hearts, and perhaps that guys leg,..when he came crashing into our wall,…JohnnyAbby!!  I know everyone feels that we could beat anyone at any given time,..when you show upup,…even if it is only 5 minutes before gametime! :>)!!  I will not forget you Johnny,…cause I will know you for ever,…My Brother,…JohnnyAbby!!

20.   Wilgy: File it under Glide,…..sub-folders,…quiet, smooth, silky, lou brock like, gold glove like,….I will never forget seeing your daughters at the game wearing jerseys with your # on them!! Thanks Wilgy!!  You are a TRUE SAINT!!

21.   Kenny:  File it under RAT,….A “Manning”,…the new term for Picnic!  “Ratchild,…the new name for the total package!  I will never forget seeing you pace back in forth in front of the dugout,…..you were our teams lifeblood!!  I will never forget you,…although, I bet most of the league sure wishes that they could forget your fastball!!

22.    Scotty:  File it under COMMITMENT, ….. Laurel & Hardy ain’t got nothing on me & you!!  I will never forget the smile on your face,….when we shook hands,…and hugged before the bottom of the 7th inning in game II of the championship against the Caaroopers!!  Thank you for being a friend!!  I will not forget you, GASPipe,…the Florida Hitman SpellingBee Champ!!  Scotty,….the Saints would never be calling themselves CHAMPIONS without you!!!  Scotty,…thank you for all you taught me!! 

CWB:   So there you go,……now I will take that little box,….seal it up,….and put it away, deep in the memory of ole CWB2fittyfiSOE,…..and know that I can always go to that Happy place if I ever need to.  I will never forget the FUN,…and the excitement,…and the Winning that we did together, this summer!!  You guys are so important to my Life,…….and I know that when many more season change,…and summers come, and go,…and when we all are even older than Larry is now,…..I will look back, at that MAX bat,….and look at each and every one of your names,….and fondly remember the special summer of 2005 as a member of the Champion Minnetonka Saints. 

CWB:   Thanks for your friendship,……all of you!!!!   I REALLY BELIEVE IN EACH and every ONE of You!!  You have no bigger fan ,……than CWB!!!  I am the most blessed of all,…to call you guys,..my friends!!!!!!! :>) 

CWB:    Oh,…shoot,….I almost forgot about that caller on line one!!  Click,……. 

CWB:    Hello this is CWB,…who is out there? 

Max & Jake   Hey, Dad,…!!!!!  Thanks for letting us come and watch you play baseball, today!!  You are the best baseball player ever!!!!!!! 

CWB:   Max & Jake,…….sorry to say,……your ole Pop is just CWB,……but,…you were right,…today,..you did see the BEST BASEBALL PLAYER,……except,..  His name is the Minnetonka Saints TEAM!!!  The Champion Minnetonka Saints Baseball TEAM 2005!!! 

CWB:    So it goes,….another season under the sun comes to an end!!  I will never forget you guys,…….not EVER!!!!!     Not ever,…ever,….ever!!! 

CWB:               As I close this letter to all of you,……I turn into mush, with tears in my eyes…and know,…that my Dad never got to come to a single game this year, & if we ever re-start the Saints magic again in 2006,..that this (2005) may just be the last inning of his life,……so to me,..in my own heart,……I will seal this box,…with the precious thoughts of my Dad,..Donald Michael Noonan. 

THANK YOU from my HEART for 2005!!!  Thank you for putting up with all of my nonsense this year,…and every year that we wore the Saints colors together!! 

John Noonan ,….. a.k.a.  CWB2fittyfiSOE@Saintsjungle.com

8/22/2005

CWB has gone TOES UP!!

**  Notice to all satellite radio subscribers **  CWB will be on temporary Leave of absence, while he attends extensive psychological testing& evaluation at the CRASHCORNY Clinics for Baseball junkies& fatheads!!

**** ( some Dr’s clinic out in Columbia Heights )  

knock,…knock,… 

CWB:   Hi,..my name is CWB,…I am here for my Monday morning appointment with Dr.CornwallCrash. 

SusieFrontDesk:   Good Morning, Mr. CWB,…the Dr. will see you in just a few moments, so please feel free to take a seat in the waiting room. 

CWB:   Thank You,..I will.  Do you have any Dr. Seuss books or any old National Lampoon magazines that  I could read, while waiting? 

SusieFrontDesk:   Oh yes,..over on the corner coffee table,…help yourself!! 

Tick,….tock,….tick,….tock,…..18 minutes, 18 seconds pass…….. 

SusieFrontDesk:  Mr. CWB,…Dr.CornwallCrash will see you now,…please follow me! 

+++  (as I walk down the long hallway to the Doc’s office,..I can’t help but notice the many baseball pictures on the wall,…including,.some.baby pictures of Larry holding a babybottle with a batting glove on,..(still without hair),…a little kid playing Pacman at some arcade,..Pack? a picture of 18 in grade school, same hair style as today except with the mustache,.., some mischevious  9 year old named rattlesnake sitting in the principle’s office, numerous pictures of a high school track and field event, showing some.little kid with a kittycat in his hand and all kinds of medals around his neck, schmitty? some other kid with a name that starts with a W , his name took up almost 3 paragraghs,…WILGY?.  Another picture of chuck murrays van,..and billy ferris’s shoes and glove outside on the ground , go figure?? Another picture showing some little 9 year old kid pictured with the kids in his neighborhood with his first pony,….correction,..a DONKEY!!,  a little kid who looks like Staller trying to hop on a train going through somebody’s backyard, wearing a conductors hat,….some kid with a magnifying glass burning ants on the sidewalk,..sorta looked like a little billy ferris,…another picture of some kid with medals around his neck,..winning the spelling bee,..sorta looked like Gaspipe!  Another kid throwin rocks at windows on this big old greenhouse,…..10 windows on the left side of the front door were broken,.??.Burnsie?  Some little kid holding his pet mouse,…or was it a RAT??  Another picture of some little 15 year old kid wearing a baseball cap with a 21 year old gal as his Prom date.,…Crash???  ) 

CWB:    ((  WOW,….where did all these pictures comes from?  Who is this Dr. that seems to have known all these other Saints players,..way back when they were little kids ))  Why are there pictures here?  

+++  more pictures that look more current,…..Billy walkin hand in hand with little WIMWAM down at Northfield,….Abby cookin on the grill, 18 running Sophie and Gracie around the bases,…Abby’s boys chasin behind,……JoeJoe & Sylvia sharing a beer!, JoeJoe having some SUDS at the Spur!  Who took these pictures?  Did Corny?  Did Gaspipe?  Did Staller?  What a friggin mystery? 

SusieFrontDesk:  (She opens the door to the office),….Good Morning Dr. CornwallCrash, …. I have CWB here to see you today. 

DR CwC:     Thank you Susie,….did I mention that you look awfully nice today,….except that you forgot to shave!! …but, no worries,..I like my chicks with lots O body hair!!…………….. CWB,…..sit your fatarse down on my couch!! 

CWB:    Thanks for seeing me Dr. CwC!! 

Dr. CwC:     Why are you here today? 

CWB:    Well,…Doc,….I am mess!! You see,…this crazy Saints stuff is giving me loose stool,….!!  We just finish with the best record of all of the old fart teams in both leagues,…..in fact,…we actually have won the Division 3 years in a row, not to mention that we are the winningest team in most zip codes around….and here I am laying on your couch. 

Dr. CwC:     Slow down CWB,…..slow down!!!  Start at the beginning!! 

CWB:    Well Doc,…..how come I am laying on your couch after having the funnest summer of my whole life!!  How come I am TOES UP beggin you for answers!!??  How come we laid an egg yesterday?  How come after serving PANCAKES to the Cakeaters, it just didn’t feel as good the next day, as I thought it would?  How come things worked out like they did,…and we just forgot to put Donkey’s name on the bat,?  How is it that Billy is such a gamer? How come I am thinking on changing Tiny’s name to the Rock?   How come Woodbury gives us fits but the Lakers don’t, yet the Lakers whoop Woodbury? How come Larry wants to QUIT? Why am I so happy,…yet ticked off at the same time!?  How come everytime I see Mr. Manning at a game,..it almost puts me to tears?  How come I feel like I let everyone down yesterday?  Come On Doctor CornycornwallcornholeCrash,….GIVE ME SOME ANSWERS!!!!!!!! 

Dr. CwC:     Easy boy,…..easy!!!!  Let’s start from the beginning!!   You ain’t that much of an athlete,….you are dang near as slow as Larry,…you are as loud as a bullhorn,…your uniform is to small on the bottom, to big on the top,…you got a temper like a Pitbull, and you overthink to much,……..but, other than that,……..I think the guys on the team like you.  In fact,…weren’t you voted 2nd most liked on the team? 

CWB:   Yeah,….except Doc,…everyone else tied for lst! 

DR.CwC:     Well,…back to your problems!  First understand CWB,…it is baseball,…..and baseball is just like life,…in fact, baseball might just be life.  God might just have made you, and all the other guys on the team to enjoy baseball, and play that game,…as a way to figure out the challenges & answers of LIFE, and heck that becomes our burden,…and yet, one of our real true JOYs!! 

CWB:  slow down dog!!  R U getting all deep on me Doc CornInYourStool? 

DR CwC:     sorta I guess!!  A little free advice from Sveet ole DocCorny for the troops for Thursday,……pass it on!!!!! 

CWB:     Sure what is it Doc? 

Dr. CwC:     Stop and look around,…..smell the roses a little, appreciate your teammates, even if at times you want to kill them,..enjoy the moment,…cause they go so fast,…try to put some of these precious memories in the LONGTERM memory and never forget them!…appreciate the simplicity of the game,….and the shear perfection of it,…90 feet,…square.  The sun doesn’t shine on the same dog’s butt everyday,…..& be sure that  the Saints day is yet to come!  Stay positive,…pick each other up!  & You,….CWB,& Gaspipe…as the coaches,….remember those profound words,……”   success in life boils down to four simple rules:  “Be on time, wear your uniform, don’t throw rocks, and stand up in the outfield.”!!

CWB:     A lot of wisdom there Doc,….I will try to take it to heart,…and pass it on to the fellas on Thursday!  I will tell them, that it comes from you,….cause everyone really wants to hear from you,…see you,…hang out with you,…..pick on you,…etc.!

Dr. CwC:  Lots of struggles from the weekend, huh?  Was there anything CWB that you could take away that was of any value to your life!

CWB:      Well, Doc,…..when I got home last night from the Woodbury game,…after the drive seemed to last forever,…like the Auschwitz march or something,……I was just in time to get the joy of tuckin my little boys in to bed.  Doc, this is the best time of my life,….baseball don’t even compare,……!!!!!.First, I put my little boy Jake to bed,…and he always asks me to tell him a little story,…so I get to let my imagination run wild,…and be a little kid again,….and most of all he loves little stories about dirt bikes, and 4 wheelers, and mud, and hangin out with 18’s little girls, Sophie and Gracie, and Abby’s boys, Alec and JohnJOhn,…and yesterday,..couldn’t stop telling me how much fun he had with Rat’s little boy, Kameron at the game.  Once I get that little rascal put to bed, ( ironic that his name is Jake,…cause he is as much trouble as BIGJAKE on the Saints),….&…I am off to my Son, Max’s room.  The highlight of my day is ahead,…..I get to tuck my 6 yr old Son, Max in,…and say a little goodnight prayer with him.  “Max”, I say,….you pray tonight.  No,…Dad,…will you please pray tonight,…..!! Sure,.. Gladly,…….!!  Our prayer last night actually went something like this,…….Dear God,….thanks for this day,…..thanks for my wonderful Wife, and little boys,……thanks for the patience that my Wife, and kids show during this baseball season,…and all the time that I am away from them,…please help me to be a better Coach the next time out for the team, and think of someone else other than myself…please help me to be a better Husband,…..and most of all,…help me to be a better Dad to my little boys,..Max & Jake,……and if you see it in your Will, Lord,….can you give me just a few more precious times with my Dad, before you call him home,…in Jesus name!!   (((((This is absolutely true))),……I open my eyes,…and my little boy Max looks up at me with tears in his eyes,…and says Dad,…you are the BEST DAD,…I WANT YOU JUST HOW YOU ARE!~!!!   So there I sat,…..a smile that went my mouth to my Heart,…..and with the Hope that God let’s my Dad go into extra innings,….if even only the 10th inning!!  The loss to Woodbury was finally put into perspective,……………it was just a game! A heck of a game,…but,…nonetheless,….just a game! 

Dr. CwC:     Thanks for sharing CWB,….You know,…these guys need to know,…….how lucky that they are to be on the Saints.  They need to be reminded of the great times they have had together,……they need to all just STOP for a minute,…and smell the roses,…….and when in doubt,…..take a look at the smile on 18’s face, that is always there,…..for us all to learn from.……..and put the WINS and Losses in perspective,…and put them where they belong,……which is in a BOOK,….the book of Stats,…NOT the Real Book of Life!! 

CWB:    Thanks Doc!!  I hope we see you Thursday!!  The Saints need you!!! 

CWB:     Sorry for the nonsense,……………this was recommended by Dr. CornholeCrash as therapy,……and JoeJoe & Gaspipe are on the verge of committing me to 30 days of lockdown, so I have shut down the radio station, and now spend my afternoons on the Couch!!! 

See You On Thursday!!

I Dig the Mtka Saints!!!!!!!

8/18/2005

Gallop Poll Results are In!!!

CWB,……….YOU ARE AWFUL!!!

Saints win over the rockets!!

 Saints win again!  The Coach stepped in a pile manure,………..a mess he created himself!!!

Ring,…….ring,……rrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiinnnnnnnng,…

CWB:  Hello,…this is CWB,….who is out there tonight!?

TEAM:   CWB,….you are disgusting,…you are an embarrassment,…you are a dead anchor,…you are a noose around our neck,….you are pathetic,……..why don’t you just fall on the knife!!

CWB:  What can I say,..?  You are right?  My behavior last night was just WRONG!!

TEAM:  CWB,…you should never have gotten on Tiny,…or anyone else,….and you sure are no example to anyone,…or a roll model of any kind,…except to someone trying to win a JERK OF THE YEAR AWARD,…..& in that case,….you would WIN by a landslide!!!

CWB:  I don’t expect you to receive it well,…..because I must sound like a broken record after all this time,……but, I am VERY VERY Sorry!!  I was wrong,……..I admit it,………and if I was not such a big sissy,…I would kick my own arse!!

TEAM:  Quit trying to be funny,…..you made us look like an embarrassment last night!!

CWB:  I ain’t tryin to be funny,……I AM SORRY!!!

TEAM:  Quit trying to apologize your way out of this,……..you ruined the fun of the night for us all,….and you made us look like a bunch of CLOWNS!!

CWB:  I plead GUILTY!!  I am the only Clown!  In fact,…I am the biggest MONKEY in the Saints Jungle!!

CWB:  I have no excuse!!

TEAM:  How come you ran so fast to pick up the bats & other equipment after the game? CWB:  I didn’t want you guys using the bats on me,……which you probally should have….!!!

CWB:  I got home last night,….& all I thought about was trying to figure out a way that I could just “QUIT”, just go away,…just fade into the sunset,……..but, I didn’t figure that you guys would buy my story about a “fake injury”, although, I did fall off the top step of the dugout, once!!………so I will see you all on Friday,……..and all I will ask from all of you is this:

CWB:  Let’s play for the name on the front of the jersey,…….not the one on the back!!  Believe me,…….I am saying that to myself,…louder than I could possibly say it to any of you!!!!!

TEAM:  WE should throw your dumb #$%@ arse off the side of the boat,…..but, we won’t,…..cause you bring the coldest water cooler around!!! 

CWB:  Thanks you guys! 

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz 

8/15/2005

!!Mount your horses,…….It’s time to ride!!!!!

Saints Playoff motto:

21 tough OUTS!!!

Police Report:  At approx 11 p.m., Friday,August 12, 2005, the radio station www.CWB2fittyFiSOE@saintsjungle.com was surrounded by the S.W.A.T. team and re-captured!!  Corporal Corny was apprehended and charged with kidnapping our beloved CWB, and is currently being held without bail,….also being .CHARGED with all kinds of vile stuff like, being at the Microphone during the Saints loss against Northfield,…..collecting women’s shoes,…and.wearing gatzke’s boxers.

CWB:

Hey, all you radio fans!!  CWB2fittyfiSOE is BACK!!!!  CC (Corporal Corny is back behind bars) is OUT!

Rrrrrrrrrriiiiiiinnnnng,……rrrrrringg,…….ring,……

CWB: How bout that,….a caller!!?  Hello!! This is CWB!  Who am I talking to this evening!

Pack: Dang, CWB!!  We are glad you are OK!!  Have you been hearing what is going on in SaintsLand?

CWB: Yeah,…PackAttackDaddyAckDon’tLookBackcausePackisBackintheStack!!  I heard about the Northfield game!!  Seems we got hit with some of that FLAWSsaoogepfa disease that night!!  I also got to enjoy the sweet finish to the year”ridin the Pine” against the Oakland Murray Athletics.

Pack: FLAWSsaoogepfa disease??  What the CUZ is that?

CWB: FLAWSsaoogepfa is the ole FederalLeague Ain’tWeSweet sorta arrogant, off our game, prone to fade away disease!

Pack: You are starting to sound like my CUZ,….makin no sense at all!!??!!!  Please explain!!

CWB: Well, Pack,….it starts here!  No doubt first of all, in my heart, the Saints have the best Defensive team in either league.  We are rock solid up the middle, and the corners are locked tight!  Pitching and defense have been our real key to our success this year!!!  Our bats,….? Heck,..  I would go to war with this teams hitters any day of the week, against anybody.  The streakiest bunch of hitters with POP,SPEED, MAUL ,MASH, Thwack, & SMASH all built from top to bottom.  Heck,…this team chews up, and spits out Max bats for lunch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  But, you gotta go a little bit further to understand!!

Pack: I am worryin bout you CWB,…..did you get a little to close to Sodie’s mole yesterday,…..you ain’t makin much sense at all!!  Did Corporal Corny hit you over the head or something?  Did you take some of Cuz’s medication or something?

CWB: Come on Bro!!!  Stick with me,…cause here I go!!  The first part of the disease is this FL (Federal League), cause we have had some tendency to get up early,…and get up big on the Federal League teams.  Of course,…that is no guarantee that it will happen the next time,…but, when it has,….for some reason,….we have gone into this mode called, aws( AIN’T WE SWEET ), mode that crossed over from that fine line that exists called, Saints looseness @ confidence (which is when we are really at our best), to elbows back, high on the bench, bellies out,…volume up, , saoogpfa (sorda arrogant, off our game,..prone to fade away.)

This is no charge against any one person, cause we are a team,…we all rise,..and sink together,..…but, a warning to us all, and a call to arms!!!!!!  We all live and breathe with each other,……there ain’t no I in this Minnetonka Saints 2005 team!!

When Schmitty, or Pack, or Wilgy, or JoeJoe, or Jake steal a base, or RAT legs out another 3bagger…..we all do,.!!!!  When 18, JoeJoe, Gaspipe, Eicher, make a great play in the infield,…we all do!!!!  When Donkey, 18, hitman, RAT, Abby,..or Donny, or Larry,or Billy, or Lucky, or Crash, or Corny, or Staller, have a great at bat,..or a great game at the plate,….we all do!!!!!  When Burnsie, or Rat, or JoeJoe, or 18, or Billy, or Larry have a great outing on the hill,…we all do!!  When Abby does some gymnastics in the dish,, or throws one to wilgy in center,……or Eicher climbs that foulball fence,…or gaspipe catches one in his teeth,…we all do!!!!  When I am yackin, and it crosses over the line,..into rippin a BLUE,….well unfornuately,…we all suffer, cause we are all a team,……when someone gets off our game,…and loses the focus,….if even just a crack,….well, we all suffer.     That is what the real GREAT teams do!!!  We all rise,…and fall together!!!!!!

Pack: Why ya getting all negative,…CWB,….taint like you, Bro!!  You are sorta sounding kinda girly since you got back from that kidnappin,……..are you going soft on us?  Say it ain’t so,…CWB.  I think Gaspipe @ 18 might be right,….they says you are becoming a mushball!!!! Say it ain’t so?!

CWB: Sorry,…Pack,….ain’t getting all negative, or deep,..but, I am CWB,..so I guess I just gotta tell you what is on my heart!!!  Ah, heck,….maybe I am just a big puddle!!!

But,…with the playoffs just around the corner,…it is worth pondering for all of us!!  What do we want out of the playoffs!??  What are our expectations?  Personally,…for me,…WIN, Lose or …… wait a minute,…there ain’t no ties in baseball,….even if those miserable liberals want there to be!!!!,….I just love hanging around the game, and bein with you guys,…but, winning matters to me,…so this has to be said!!  We need to try to avoid that disease,….FLAWSsoogpfa, or the last part sets in,……pfa,  prone to fade away sets in,…..and that would make for way way to early of an exit to satisfy anyone!!!!!

I believe in my heart,…..that if we play the Saints way,…with our squad,…our defense,…our bats,…our energy,..our chemistry, did I say our energy,…our looseness, another dose of Saints energy,..that pressing step on your neck energy,….our ways,…the Saints way, 21 tough OUT!!!!!!! Start to finish!!!!….we can put our hat in the ring with anyone,…and most likely with have a lot of success,………….no mountain we can’t climb (ain’t that a song?)!!  21 tough OUTS!!!!!!!

Ring,……ring,……ring,…..

CWB: Hold on Packattackmuchsweeter than ole MacDaddyAck, who we threw out back!!,….I gotta get this call!!    HELLO,…this is CWB!!!

Crash: CWB,…..er,…I mean,..Nooner,….you are turning into jello!!!  Don’t go soft on us at this time!!!!

CWB: I ain’t turning into jello, Crash!!!  But,..heck, if anyone has any out there,…bring it over,..along with some cookies,…along with another tray of Susan Burns awesome rice krispy bars from last night. etc. 

By the way,…who do you think you are Crash,………looks like the SHANE COMPANY Store that you work for has some nice new uniforms that you were sportin last night!!    Ain’t you guys the diamond jewelers or something!! Are you going to war with us?  Are you with us,..or against, us!!!  We got room on the trailer,…..& Tiny has got a trailer hitch strapped to his back!!!   Are you getting your bootstraps pulled up,………cause it is TIME TO RIDE!!!!!!!!!!!

Ring,…..ring,….ring,…..

CWB:   Hello,…this is CWB!!  Who’s out there?

Donk:  Hey,…CWB,…will you tell me a Saints nighttime story?  All the beer is gone!!

CWB:  Stay tuned!!!!   It’s Showtime!!!  Saints Style!!!  Much more to tell,…..much,..much,,more!!

8/12/2005

The Saints Jungle!! 

Saints Win AGAIN!!!! 9-1 over Rocky’s Adrians!

WARNING~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

********There has been a break-in at the headquarters of the radio station:,…..CWB has been kidnapped,…WARNING,…Warning!!!!!!!***

Radio Host CC:  Hey,..all you fingersnappin, toetappin kneeslappin bunch of skirt wearin left leaning cultural elitists,…how ya’all doin?  Just so you know,….there will none of that nonsense from that fat tub-o-lard CWB tonight, cause we got him hogtied in the corner,……with duct tape over his big ole trap!!  The doors are boarded up, and secured,……***.there has been a dang mutiny here at  WWW.cwb2fittyfiSOE.Saintsjungle.com  There ain’t gonna be no more suckin up to the brass tonight,……instead,…nuttin but straight honest banter!!

Ring,………ring,………ring,……..rrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggg 

Radio Host CC: Hello,…….this is CorporalCorny, who do we got out there?

Kitty:  Hey, this is SchmittyCity the lil Kitty….you big brute Corporal Corny,….what did you do with our beloved CWB?

CC: Hey,….SchmittyCityKittyCat,……don’t you worry,…ole CWB is actually just fine,…..he is laying down in the corner with a bunch of the old bats that 18 & Donkey broke,…playin a lil game of pickupsticks,…@.jus finished.chompin down his 9th doughnut washed down by a chocolate malt from Dairy Queen!  Why did you call in tonight? 

Kitty: Well,….hey,…CC, I was just sittin around after a tough Pilates class with Jake, and Wilgy,… ….well,…er,,..uh…..the reason I called tonight was to get a lil Saints Love,…and a rundown of the game!  Can ya help out? 

CC: Here is what I know!!!  All kinds of fellows went AWOL!!  Donny, Abby, Burnsie, JoeJoe & Sylvia were at some sort of a MaryKay party,..or something,…some Merchants sellin something,…that is what I heard.  Wilgy, Jake, and you KittyCat,..at your Pilates class, under the expert guidance of InstructorEunice….I had heard that  Corny,.was.on a secret doubledate with his brother STeve with a couple of ratherheavyset gals, & then rumor has it that Crash was @ a league meeting pleading his case to get re-instated while also being seen hanging out with some new girlfriend with big hair!!! (probally some chick he met while at a Coon Rapids game). Of course there was also  Staller under house arrest by GeneralGatzke on the “unable to perform, & only complain about nooner list”.  Somebody said that  Billy had his final ANGERmanagement class,,…go figure, that loveable beast ??. And finally we all know that Sodie was out teachinclasses at a local CURVES for women studio on Thursday evening, where Andy dresses up and calls himself Anita so as to be part of the fun, and get in a lil workout.  Now the dilemma!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kitty: WOW!!!  Sorry to interrupt CC,….but dilemma? 

CC: Yeah,…Kitty,….with over half the squad gone,…the Saints front office had to look to the waiver wire!!! 

Kitty: Waiver Wire???? 

CC:  Yea,…they picked up some guys who throws from the wrong side,…who says he is related to RAT,…but, ain’t got nearly RATS good looks,..but, can sure chuck a ball!!  Then Chaska, who had just finished playing @ BW just the night before against the Cavaliers, were finally packing up, and we convinced a couple to help out in a pinch.  Then there was some kid with an attitude by the name of MATTY G, who was out on work release who just happened to be in the neighborhood, and had a mitt so we invited him to play,…and bingbangbong,….we got a squad!!!!!! 

Kitty: Well,….cut the crap,…..you are more of a bag of wind that ole CWB,……what happened next? 

CC: Hey you little skinny arse,….don’t talk back to me,…….I am CorporalCorny of the U.S. Marines & I spit punks like you out for lunch,…..in fact just this noon,….I opened up a can or whoop on ole CUZ just cause he is so dang ugly!!!

Kitty:  Sorry,…CC,…..no offense meant,…..didn’t you see my Wellstone sticker,?  I am about peace!!!!

CC:  OK,….didn’t mean to bark up your spine,…Kitty,…..well here goes.

 THE GAME: 

We had Donkey doing his version of MR Doubles,…..18 lightning the joint up with his hot bat,..shaggin balls in left. Tiny looking like the best lst basemen in the Classic league (which he is), Ratchild tryin to snare Lenny’s breakin stuff, Gatzke continuing his JoeyDiMag like batting streak, lucky playing his scrappy game at 5 different positions,  @ of course Pack,…well Pack,…he is just sweet,..and he hit a homerun @ Chaska field that probally has even landed from 4 years ago,….& there was Kiddo battling at the plate,…looking like he is joggin, when actually at fullspeed, and CWB servin up the coldest water south of the NorthPole,…with the teamcolor blue cups!  What else do you need to know,…except that this time ROCKY (the Saints) kicked ADRIAN’s Arse!!!   YO ADRIAN,…Da Saints did it!!!!! 

Ring,…….ring,……….rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnggggggggggggg. 

CC: Hey,…hold on a second KittyKat,….I gotta grab this other call.. 

CC:  Hello,…this is the new voice of  www.CWB2fittyfiSOE.Saintsjungle.com CorporalCorny. 

Donk:  Hey,….CC,…..will you tell me a Saints bedtime story? 

CC:  Hey DAWN----KEY,…….congrats on your 78th double this year!!!!  You really are Mr. Doubles.  Stay tuned Dawn-kkkeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy   there is more to be told to the magical year of the Saints in 2005,…..stay tuned,…….

This is CC over and out!!!

8/9/2005

RATS & CATS & a Pack O Donkeys!!

 Saints Win another,…..5-4 over Northfield!

“Regardless of his personal accomplishments,….the ONLY true satisfaction a player receives is the satisfaction that comes from being part of a successful team!!

                                                                                                    Vince Lombardi

Turn up your radio’s,……..time for a lil  www.CWB2fittyFiSOE@SaintsJungle.com. Nonsense!!! Once again,….sorry,….I need a job,…I got to much extra time.  Just hit the “delete” if you are offended,.. 

CWB’s  MOM:   “ OH NO!!!  Not another bag of baloney from CWB?  Will someone put a cork in him!!?  He is my Son,…but, he just won’t pipe down!!

CWB:  Sorry MOM!!  But,..I just got so much to say,….and these guys don’t read there emails anyways,….they are too busy responding to the requests for cheaper Viagra, and Hair Transplants, & grooming & investment tips from 18 that they have most likely already hit a different station on there radio by now!

Click,….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

CWB:  dang,….even my DEAR MOM is getting a lil tough on ole CWB!!

Ring,….ring,….rrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiinnnnnnnggggg

CWB:  Hello,….this is CWB,…who out der?

Corny:  Hey CWB,….where are all of you guys?  I thought the game was at 7:30?

CWB:  Yea,…PM Bro,…..not AM!

Corny:  RATS!  Sorry to miss it, but, give me some Saints Love,..will ya!!

CWB:  Saints Love?  Well you had the first part right,….RATS!!!

In fact the RAT woke up on a lucky star yesterday.  Everything he did on the field went his way,…dropped foul balls,…sliding under a tag,….His Dad in the stands,…..RATchild had the baseball gods smiling on him tonight.  Corny,… Did you know,….that we have never lost a game with RAT’s Dad at the game?  Babe Ruth can point all he wants,….but the facts are facts,…& that ain’t no myth!! 

Abby was listening real hard before the game when I said to the team that there is a bounty on the first guy to hit a homerun into my white truck into left field.  $ 150.00 gift certificate to the restaurant of your choice.  Around the 4th inning,…Abby hits a 400ft bomb,…& just misses a white truck,………sorry Abby,…I said my white truck,…not yours, !!  Abby’s motto:  SWING HARD & JOG,…never looked so sweet!! 

Donny was thinking white truck, also,…..but, instead hit the longest STALLERBALL of the year!!!!! 

In between innings,….I looked at the book, to see who was up next in the inning for us.  Rattlesnake, Schmitty, Wilgy, and Pack,….in that order.   WOW!!!  HUH?  Something like having Bugs Bunny, Road Runner, speedy gonzales, & FLASH, in the same lineup!!   

How bout a lil version of murders row for ya!!!  Tiny, Donkey, 18, Kiddo, Gaspipe, Staller, Donny,!! 

How bout a lil bowl of “unselfish Saints soup”?  The attitudes of Packard, Schmitty, & Wilgy would make anyone proud to be on there team!!  Bein a Waterboy comes natural to me,……..but, being the Coach is pure joy with the attitudes of those guys!!  

Corny:  Cut the crap CWB,…..what about Crash,…?  Did he show?   

CWB:  Yea, Corny!  He was there,..he donned the Saints Blue & Silver!!  In fact,…Corny,..help me, if you will,…I need a favor!! 

Corny:  What is it CWB?  You are a real pain,…what do you need? You are starting to remind me of billy ferris!!! ;>) 

CWB:  Can you talk with Crash for me?  I am trying to convince him to join us for the playoffs, cause we are on the verge of something special,……and 10 years from now, when most of you guys will be asking Larry for the name of his hair doctor, and 18 for advice for your IRA account withdrawals,…what will you really remember about your days of playing baseball anyways,…..but the time you spent with your teammates.   I know this is true,…cause when I sit around and listen to all the guys from ABBY, to Burnsie, to JoeJoe, to 18, to Crash, to MikeyEicher…to anyone with a heart beat , one thing is consistent.  I hardly ever hear about great stats,..or big plays,…but, instead, about the guys in the dugout!!  Corny,….I am just thinking that it just won’t be as good to not have Crash be with us!!  Ain’t it true?  Each and every guy in that dugout brings something special,….something that you can’t always identify,…but, take em away,…and it just ain’t as rich,….!! 

Corny:  CWB?,….are you snifflin?  Is that a tear in your eye? You getting all misty, you big tub-o-lard. You big puddle!!  Pull up your dress,….there ain’t no cryin in baseball!!!! 

CWB:  I ain’t cryin Corny,…….  I was jus pickin this  bugar,….and if you ever show up again,….it’s got your name on it!!!! 

Corny:  Wow,…big talk for a waterboy!!!  Why don’t you ask Eicher what happened the last time that he and I squared off,……….er,..oh yea,…….I still got a bruise from that big ole bully! 

Ring,……ring,……. 

CWB:  Hey,….Hold Corny,…I got another call!! 

CWB:  Hey,…who is out there? 

Donk:   It’s me Donk!! 

CWB:  Hey,….Donk,……by the way,…nice game winnin RBI!!!  Welcome back,..Mr. Doubles,…..!! 

Donk:  thanks CWB,…..can you tell me a Saints bedtime story!! 

CWB:  tune in,……tune in soon, Donk,………there is a lot more to the Saints magical year of 2005 that has yet to be told ………. 

 Welcome to the Saints Jungle!!

8/8/2005

GoldiLOX & the 3 Bears

 Saints WIN ANOTHER!!!!!!!!  10 – 1 over the Washington Senators!!!!!!!!

Notice:  Please accept this email as notice that starting today, until further notice,….we are changing CWB2fittySOE to a little north on the satellite radio dial to CWB2fittyFi..SOE.com for obvious reasons!   The Starting pitchers for the Saints has been “lights out” recently,…which eliminated my only exercise ..’the walk to the mound’,….!!

Ring,….ring,….ring,……….

CWB,…..hey,..looks like we got a caller.//////////  Hello,…who out der?

Corny:,..hey it’s me CWB, Cornhole!!…..how you doing?

CWB:,…good Bro,…thnks for the call!

Corny,…What time is last nights game,..so I can be sure to be on time, and get there soon,

CWB:,…don’t sweat it, Corny!!  You are always with us,…..don’t ya know that by now!!

Corny:  What happened last night?

CWB:,…Another Win,…but, something sort of strange?

Corny: What.?

CWB:,….Well,..remember when you were a little kid, and you used to have little fairytales read to you at night, by your Mom or Dad?  Well,…here is a little story about that best sums up last nights game!!!

Once upon a time,…there were a lil gal named Goldi-Lox.  Imagine, if you will,….a cross between something like a lil JoeJoe & 18 & some gaspipe mixed in, with a little Kiddo spread out on the ground,..er I mean on TOP.

Basically,…sort of an ugly broad!!

One day,….she got word that Grandma wanted some bread, and she was to deliver,…loaf after loaf after loaf after loaf ,….!!

1.Choppers to the infield,…..JoeJoeGAS18Kiddo scoops and fires over to lst base!!  OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH,……AAAAAAAAAAAHhhhhhh   “Father BEAR here it comes they exclaim,……what big teeth he has,…….big,….ornery,…sorta cranky,…..big ole scowl on his face,……” every umpires best friend,…he is just to mean to receive”!!!!  So Donny W laid down his first basemens glove, his danty little towel, & had to sit on the pine!!,….. 

2. Choppers to the infield,…..JOeJOeGAS18kiDDO scoops and fires over to lst base!!,……..OOOOHHHHHHH,…..AAAAAAAAAAAAAHhhhhhhh, Mother BEAR here it comes they exclaim,……..what a pretty face he has,…..what soft cheeks,.all 4 of em,….to sweet,…too dang nice, not enough cellulite,….”he is just too dang sweet & nice to receive”!!!  So Mikey Tiny Eicher (Mother Bear) had to join mean ole Father Bear and lay down his firstbasemens glove,…and rest his weary legs on the pine, next to FatherBear.
    

3. Choppers to the infield,…..joeJOEgas18KIDDO scoops and fires over to lst base!!,……OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH,……..AAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhh,….BabyBubbaBear,…here it comes they exclaim,……..JUST RIGHT,….they all shout!!!!!!    BABYBubbaBearDavid Sodey puts his doughboy good looks to there best use in years,………..back over on lst base sack,……….welcome back SODey!!! 

Corny,……CWB,….what a stupid story,……….where was the wolf?  I always remember that there was a wolf in the story?,……

CWB:  well,……Billy couldn’t make it to the game!!  Abby went AWOL,………So this little tale only has the good guys,…….!!!

Corny,:  Like I said, stupid story,….…..I am on the way to last nights game,…see ya there!!

CWB:  Goodnight CornDog!! 

Game Recap:  Sort of reminded me of 4 years ago,…when everytime we used to play the Lakers,…the game was over when we stepped in the dugout, we were simply pschyed out before the game began….except this time, YESTERDAY…UM,….we are not the Lakers,…..so don’t think I would ever say something like that,…but you get my drift,..huh??!  Weird huh,….but,…afterall,…baseball is all mental,….or at least the Saints ARE!

Saints were happy,…..and we all lived another day of Burnsie playing with the hitters,…..RATchild losing a ball to leftfield bleachers,….Wilgy putting er into glide,…Packattackbackinthestack, Kiddo shook the earth & ate dirt, & was surely steller,..not staller at 2nd base,.. donkey got back from the dells & had some postgame suds, 18 earns his first SAVE,…er,.uh 18 saved us from having to watch Larry pitch!!  …and all was well in Saints land!! 

I need a job,…..Sorry for the nonsense!!

8/4/2005

Saints Win Again!!!!

** WARNING **  Might Be Offensive to Some!!!!!!! 

Before you begin to read this email,…be prepared to use your ‘delete’ key, or erase button, or simply grab a Kleenex & your favorite blanket and have a CRY with me!!!

Another ridiculous few moments broadcasting live from the top O Goat Hill!! 

CWB:  Thanks for tuning in tonight, for some more nonsense & observations from “THE PINE”!! 

Rrrrrrrinnnnng,…..ring,……ring,….. 

CWB:  Hello!!  This is CWB,…..who is out there tonight? 

Donk:  It’s me,…the Donkey,…..CWB,….. 

CWB:  Yes,…Donk,….how you doing,..you sound kind of sleepy, you still out there in Wisconsin Dells? 

Donk: Yea,…still in the Dells,…..but, Hey,…CWB,…will you tell me a nighttime story?  A sweet little Saints story so I can go to sleep with a smile in my heart,..just like a little baby donkey!!?? 

CWB:  You Bet Bro!  I got a little story for ya Donk,…but, more than just any ole story.  I am gonna tell you a lil something,…but, there ain’t gonna be no Mary Ann, Ginger, or Professor, anywhere!! Ya OK with that? 

Donk:  Yea,…CWB,….just make me smile,……. 

CWB:  Well, as you know, we played the Bulldogs tonight, and the final score was 3-2.  But there is really so much more to tell. ……… 

“ The GAME BALL goes to CORNY!!!!!!!” 

CWB:   I suppose it is kind of unfair to give out a ‘game ball’, when you are trying to get everyone to buy into the notion of TEAM,…but, tonight, we have to make a special exception: 

You see,…tonight,…your chubby waterboy has a big ole confession to make!!!!!   

I find myself tonight, imagining that I am in front of the statue of “BABE RUTH”, out in that sanctuary in CenterField in Yankee Stadium, on my knees, admitting to the baseball gods, that your chubby waterboy is just a big old sissy,…a softie,…sort of a loser,….a chicken,…a wimp,…and all kinds of stuff like that,…..& here is why. 

Dear Saints,…. 

Yesterday,…I was really having my own little version of a ‘chick fit’,…ya know the kind,…where you run around, and you got something bugggin you, and you really don’t want to talk to anyone about it,..cause if you do,..you will be showing your cards just a little to much, & the golden rule to bein one of the fellas, is to not show your cards, cause we are guys afterall,…and we don’t wear skirts………well hear goes,…..I am laying my cards out on the table…….

Yesterday,…all day long,…I had this naggin notion that we were going to go to the game against Burnsville and lay an EGG! I was actually pre-worrying before I began my pregame worry,….!! I had so many stupid thoughts, that there ain’t enough space on Scotty’s Saints server to tell you them all.  I figured that we would all be experiencing a letdown after the big night against the Lakers.  I know,…right now you are thinking something like,….”wow,…what a loser we have for a coach,……someone get JoeJoe, & Scotty to delegate this guy back to just waterboy, and fo-getabout em”!!  Well, that does not explain the whole picture to let the story end there.

See, to me, this thing called the Saints TEAM is about so much more than winning to me.  Yea,…of course I want to WIN,….but, I actually go to those games to get so much more out the night, then just a W in the win column.  I laugh with my Wife, Sherry all the time, that going to spend time with you guys, is like goin to school for me,…..and the class is called LIFE.

Here is an example from just last night, and you might begin to understand my FAT SKULL that I call my brain. 

I am giving the game ball to Corny for last night, because he was like a big brother to me, that I never had, even though I actually have a real life 4 big brothers.  I bet you don’t care, but, I come from a family of 7 kids & I grew up in Robbinsdale, and I ran nude once through town. OK<…sorry,…back to my nonsense,…..  From the moment that I showed up at the park, till Burnsie threw his nasty slider past Freddie to complete Freddie’s sombraro, I leaned on Corny,…I whined to Corny,…I complained to Corny,…I laughed with Corny,…I dropped a couple of bombs in the dugout,..just for Corny, (something about that park brings it out in me) ….I listened to Corny,…I argued with Corny, about just about everything under the Sun,…but, mostly about the game.  Corny just has a way to just make you feel good about yourself, even when you feel like a DORK.  I was a big ole baby last night,…and Corny in sort of a funny way just put his arm around me last night,…and guided the Saints TEAM through the night!!  I encourage any of you to one night, spend an entire game with him, at his side, and just enjoy his thoughts of the game, and his quirky ways, and I am sure you will walk away with that great feeling that you are sitting with a REAL FRIEND!! 

I would have to dig in the bag, and grab another ball, though, last night, and give one to Jake, also.   How many of you guys really know Jake?  Grab him some night,…and try to pull his LIFE story out of him.  That cat has a story that will challenge each and every one of you to really try to grab a bigger piece of LIFE than you ever have before.  Just a small example from last night:,….first thing he always does when he sees me is to give me that smile, and hug that can be matched by no one.  I ain’t no QUEER so don’t start that nonsense that your warped brains might be thinking,….see when Jake gives you a hug,..he is telling you that he is your FRIEND, and what you got coming from him is the special honesty that only comes from a true friend.,….well, back to last night,….Jake calls me over, about the 5th inning, and says Johnnyboy,…come here a second,….. I go over to the fence,…and he is standing there with his little girl,…RUBY, his sweet lab.    “JohnnyBoy,…ya know,…we are all a little bit like RUBY”,….”how’s that Jake”?? I said”  Well, see,…Ruby spends her day trying to please her Master, and a lot of her day she actually spends in trouble, or getting into mischief,…but, me the Master, still loves her,…no matter what,…..and JohnnyBoy,…Our God in Heaven Loves us just that much,….just like I Love little Ruby!!!  OK,…I know in this world of political correctness, whenever some fool talks about God we are all supposed to run and hide our ears,…but, not me,….those are sweet words and thoughts to my ear.  Thanks Rattlesnake for all of your encouragement over the years,….I feel pretty lucky to call you my friend!! 

Again,…I gotta reach in the ball bag, and give another game ball to Johnny Abby.  Abby?  Why he wasn’t  even at the game last night, you say!!  Well, that ole boy,…a kid who has forgot more about baseball than all of us will never know is full of all kinds of wisdom,…but, you gotta work real hard before he will ever let you in.  That cat has walls as big as the Wall of China around him,…but, boy, oh boy,…if he will ever let you in,….it is worth the effort….  Last night, after the game, he calls me on the phone on my way home to see how we did.  I tell him the score, and he says,….”tell me more”,…well before I can go into detail about the game,…I say to him,….”Johnny,…I am a big old friggin fathead”,….and proceed to tell him all the stupid thoughts that I had goin through my head before the game, and how embarrassed I am that I am thinking like that,….and how what a worthless piece of crap I must be to even think I can be a coach of anything other than my little boys T-Ball team.    He settles me down, and proceeds to tell me about life,…..Life through the eyes of John Abercrombie,….via a baseball game,…..years and years, and game after game, of life,…….that ole boy has a heart as big as he is!!!!  

Again,…I gotta reach in the ball bag,…but, this time,…give a ball about the size of a beachball to Scotty Gaspipe.   Gaspipe?  How about a little history first,………Well, way back last fall, I beg JoeJoe for the chance to coach the team,…and after shoveling the snow on his sidewalks, and cutting his grass for the whole year, he finally gives in, and says GO FOR IT!  He says do you want to run it alone, or with someone else.  I said,…yea,…I want to have someone help me out,….I want Scotty Gaspipe to help me!  “Scotty Gaspipe Joe shreaks!!!!!!”  “Scotty is a great choice, John,….but Nooner, I hate to tell you,…but, Scotty G hates your guts,…and would never go for it”,….well, I said,..let me talk with him first.  So after shoveling all of the snow at his house for the winter,…and beginning the agreement of 5 summers of cutting the lawn at his house,….Scotty G & I are driving the Saints bus.  I had this little secret reason that I wanted to do this thing with Scotty.  See deep down inside,….I knew that Corny and Scotty were such good friends, and Corny and I are such good friends,…that it just don’t make sense that Scotty G hates me,…except for the fact that I am quite an unloveable beast most of the time!!!  OK,…not to much nodding of your heads at this point,…I know I can be a first class jerk.   I wanted to try to understand Scotty,…but, more than anything he had something in his head that I wanted badly.  His Dad passed away some years ago,…and I wanted to know every thought, every emotion, every scrap of advice that I could muster from him.  See,..My Dad is in the 9th inning with 2 outs, and 2 strikes on the batter in his battle with cancer, and I am trying to cope with it in anyway that I can.  Well, after dang near kidnapping him, and dragging him into my cage for about 100 hours of hitting over the winter ( proof lies in the fact the way that Scotty is tearing it up at the plate,….arguably one of our best hitters!!) , I knew that I could begin to pick his brain,..and hopefully gain some wisdom to give me some peace in the tough days of facing my Dad’s death which lie ahead.  Well, zip ahead 5 months, and I have discovered a pretty great guy,…..commitment to TEAM that no one can touch.  His word is gold,…..and he really has a heart of GOLD, although at times he has walls even bigger than Abercrombie’s around to climb over.  Well, I will be cutting his grass for the next 5 years, so I will break those walls down, also,….but, in the meantime,…we are all incredibly lucky to call him COACHSCOTTYGTHEFLORIDAHITMAN!!!!! 

Again,…I look down in the ball bag,….aha,…another game ball for 18!  I ain’t suckin up to no one by this email,……..I mean this,…….going out and hangin with you guys at some sandlot is about as good as it gets,…….and 18 is my Wall that I lean on when everything else fails!~!  I know 18 will always be there,…..I know,…cause I have somewhere in the neighborhood of about 5,324,582 phone calls between us in inventory to build on.  I also know that there is an outside chance that I will be spending many many thanksgivings together with him one day,….cause my boys got there eyes for his girls!!!  Now,..I just gotta convince that tightwad that it is tradition that the girls’s father pays for the wedding,….and we will be on the right track.   Has anyone won more games for the Saints over the years?  I doubt it!!  18 is like that happy place that we can all go,…whenever we need a win,…a smile, or a smart allic comment, or a friendly ear!!! 

What,….?   Another game ball?   Yep!!!  I carry the equipment you fatheads,…and fill the watercooler,…so I can give out as many game balls as I want,…and if you don’t believe that,…..well,….so what,…I can still probally beat Corny in a fight,…well,..maybe anyways!!  Shutup Noonan,……drumroll please,……..GA<ME BALL to Kiddo!!  Kiddo?  Yep!!  In a game that seems to be built around failure,….I mean, give me a break, you are a stallion in this crazy game if you fail 70% of the time.  Well, what kind of a person could possibly take so many years of frustration, and still have the attitude that the next time he steps in there,…something special just might happen.  None other than Larry.  His confidence rocks my world,…I have a bad at bat,…and I am puss for days,…Larry can stink up a joint in the first game of a double header,…and can’t wait to hit in the next game, and in his heart, and mind believes he should be batting 3rd.  That confidence, that strength is what makes him the Kiddo that is like a solid rock to us all.  Come on,……facing failure, after failure, after failure starts to just suck after a while,…and how Larry can do it for 154 years like he has is absolutely amazing to me!!  I know,…and he knows,…and we all know,…that anytime that he steps up to the plate,..something special might happen,…..he could go yard at anytime,…or he could look dreadful,…but, after either one,..you wouldn’t know the difference when you talked with him,….he would be to busy telling you how he is getting ready for the next time,…..what a lesson in life that is,…and comes through the game of baseball!!!  You think this is baseball that we are playing out there,….huh,….this is a lesson in life,…and we can all enjoy the ride,..or let it tear us down!! 

Aha,….another team ball!!!  Shutup you guys,…I can do this!!  This is America you bunch of miserable liberals,……and afterall being the only rightwing hawk in the bunch I am demanding freepress,……oh, I know,…SHUTUP NOONER!!!  Sorry,…I warned you above,…so get over it!! 

Well,..for tonight,…the last game ball goes to JoeJoe!!!  JoeJoe?  Here is my story, and it took me about 10 years to finally put it into words.  What is it about this guy that you just like him?  What is it about this guy that just makes you want to take a ball in the teeth for him?  What is it about him that he can keep getting us to come out summer, after summer, after summer to lace em up again.  I got to know a bunch of JoeJoe’s employees at his company lately,..and something was consistently amazing about the similarities about all of them in there attitudes towards the guy we know as JoeJoe.  These people are just incredibly loyal to him,…..they have followed him around like little soldiers for years, because he has that precious unmistaken commitment to honesty and loyalty towards people.  We have all been sqrewed over by someone in life,…and had some one cross us for no reason,….and when you meet someone who is just flat out consistent,..just simply plain honest,….well,….that stacks up real high in my world.  I rate honesty as the highest measure of integrity in my BOOK,…and JoeJoe could have authored the entire chapter.  That matters to me,…and again,  Oh yea,…I know his heater on the hill is the reason for my admiration on the field,….but, when I look back years from now,…I know I will remember little of the specifics of the games we played,..but, instead I will look back, and think I wouldn’t have learned this,..or known him, if it weren’t for baseball.  Weird,….this Mtka Saints stuff is pretty important to me,…JoeJoe,…I will never forget you,…and I will laugh about the great memories for years to come!! 

Now,…I imagine by this time,….any of you fatheads that is still reading this is wondering if ole CWB has fallen off of a rock, and hit his head,…..or if I am wearing my Wife’s underwear,…and just turned into a girl.  Well,…I haven’t,…actually Corny is wearing Gatzke’s underwear by mistake!!!  …   I will probally be banned from the website,…cause of server space,…or cause I am just a sissy,….but, I will someday soon,…tell you all from my heart how much it means that each and everyone of you are my teammates,…and how playing baseball with you for the Mntka Saints makes me better person, ……not as a baseball player,….cause I know my role,….why do you think they call me CWB2fittySOE???!!! 

CWB:  Hey,….Donk,…..you still out there?? 

CWB:   Hey,…Donk,…you still out there? 

Donk,…..Hey,…CWB will you tell me a sweet Saints nighttime story? 

CWB,……stay tuned,…….Donkey,…I just begun to tell this story!!  The story about the magical year of the Minnetonka Saints in 2005.

8/2/2005

Welcome to the Saints Jungle!!!

Saints Win!!!  Saints WIN!!!!  Down go da Laka’s!!

Congrats to the Saints!!  The Saints walked into Big Willow a TEAM,….and they left as an even stronger TEAM!! 

Before I begin some of my ridiculousness, I mean it from inside of my heart,….I feel really blessed to be part of this team,…to play along side each and every one of you!!  You guys inspire me!!  I am a better person because you guys are in my life,……I know it sounds sappy,…but, I really MEAN it!!  So accept it,..!!!  THANK YOU to each and every one of YOU!!!

“Regardless of his personal accomplishments, the only true satisfaction a player receives is the satisfaction that comes from being part of a successful team”!! 

-Vince Lombardi

Welcome to a few more moments with CWB2fittySOE@SaintsJungle.com (chubbywaterboy250StruckOutEddie) broadcasting live from the dugout at Big Willow @ 1a.m. Tuesday morning!   

CWB:  Tonight something very special happened!!  The Saints continued to grow together as a team,…..the bond grew tighter,…everyone trusted each other enough to rely,..and count on each other!!  No one STAR,….but, instead a TEAM that is the STAR!! 

Ring,……ring,………brrrrrrrinnnnnnngg 

CWB:  Hello,…this is CWB250SOE,…..who is out there tonight? 

Gaspipe:  It’s me CWB! Da Coach,..Scotty G! 

CWB:  Great Game tonight, Florida Hitman!!  What’s Up?   

Gaspipe:  CWB,…..Game ball goes to the TEAM!!! 

CWB:  I'm with you Bro!!  Keep talking!! 

Gaspipe:  Tonight,….each and every person did there part,….each and every player came together as ONE,…Tonight the Lakers ran into a big ole Steam Engine,….called the TEAM!!  The Minnetonka Saints TEAM!!! 

CWB:  Right ON, Bro!! Right ON!!  I wanna hug you man,….your makin my eyes get all misty!! 

Gaspipe  Quit bein a puddle Nooner,……get ready for Wednesday,…we ain’t done yet!! …  ‘click’ 

Ring,….ring,….ring,….rrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiinnnnnng 

CWB:  Hello this is CWB!  Who we got out der tonight? 

Donkey:  gulp,…..it’s me,…the Donk! 

CWB:  Hey Donk,…what’s up? 

Donkey:  I am sittin here out in the Dells,…missin all you guys,….looking for a score & a little Saints Love!! 

CWB: Donk,….well, here you go! 

Here is how it happened from the “man from the pine”! 

Pregame:  Lakers are cocky, thinking that wearin purple is some sort of a fashion statement,….pushing the limit way past there curfew in the cages!  Saints are strollin in,…one after another!!  You can sense a real calm in the Saints! That Saints looseness that has become our trademark!!  The Lakers are talking trash,….!   The Saints ain’t havin none of it,….!! 

The Laker breakers are ready,…..Corny & Schmitty are in the House!!! Billy Ferris pukes for the 5th time before he even steps up to the plate.  “I’ll bleed for you Johnny,…but, I gotta go puke first”!!,….Tiny has that look in his eyes that we all lean on for strength,  a SOLID ROCK!  Abby clicks the switch,…that nasty switch that only he has,…something like a cyclone,…that switch that doesn’t turn off till the last out is made.  Radam applies another dab of gel to his rug,…and a couple of slaps to his money MITT, when 18 is ready,..The Saints machine is ready!!,…Corny pulls his pants higher in honor of Tommy T, who ain’t even in this zip code tonight,..RatChild just turns on that sweet smile & says,…“hey,..let’s have some fun, boys”!  Schmitty just purrs like a little kitty,…..Wilgy is all business, clicks er into “GLIDE”….Rattlesnake is a yappin and a divin everywhere,….Lucky puts on his cap,…and says, ”what can I do to help the team”,…Larry runs a few laps around,….er,..uh the water cooler & says,..”Girlfriend is Ready”!!,….Burnsie puts in his game tooth pick,…JoeJoe is at JC Penny’s getting fitted for a new pair of shorts,..Gaspipe has that Florida look in his eyes, …Sodergren is thinking about his next tattoo!!..GAME TIME!!  Saints Time!!!

7 innings later,……..7 innings of PUREHELL for the Lakers,…..!  The Saints Team wins,……..The pressure never stopped,…21 tough Outs for Wheeler & Mozell!!…constant pressure defensively, and offensively,…something like a big ole VICE grips!!! Could you feel it? 

Welcome to the Saints Jungle!!!

  CWB:  No where I would rather be,….than hanging out with you guys on a ballfield!!

7/16/2005

Down goes Frazier,.....Down go the Coon Dogs,.......Down goes Frazier!!!!!!!

For all you knee slappers, and toe tappers,.....welcome to another ridiculous few moments with WWW.CWB2fttySOE.com (chubbywaterboy @ 200fittyStruckoutEddie) on your Sirius radio station. 

Tonight we are broadcasting going South on 169 after another exciting Saints WIN!!!!!  The Lone Spur is still pourin,...Donkey's cheeks are lookin rosy,...and all is well in the Saints jungle!!! 

CWB,..Hey, let's see if there are any callers out there tonight? 

ring,...ring,...ring,.... 

CWB,..Hello!? 

caller:  Yea,...hey CWB you fatarse,....how come you didn't mention that big ole buff lookin dude in your recent scouting report published last week,....??  Is he on your roster?  Is he ole enough to be in this league,...........you guys suck,......CLICK!! 

CWB,...don't know who that could have been callers,...but, sounded a lil bit like ole Coach Tupper from da Coon Dogs,....& he sounds like he is a little ticked!!!  Well,...Tupp,.....don't forget, this ole boy has a few tricks up his sleeve, also,........We didn't mention TinyEicher cause we knew he was going to be our secret weapon come Friday night,...and we pulled the ole suprise attack on ya,.....and you fell for it,...so why don't you just shut your yap, and go back up to Coon Rapids where all the chicks wear big hair,...and the guys wear mullits!!! 

ring,....ring,........ring,...... 

caller:   who is TINY? He sure is a thing of beauty with a uniform on!!!  A walkin Prince charmin!!  CLICK....... 

CWB:,....hey,...is that you Billy?  You mean prick!!!  We missed you, tonight!! 

CWB,....in fact for all you listeners out there tonight,...here is a little rundown tonight threw the eyes of a man ridin the pine......... 

Game Highlights:,.....lst inning,....Ratchild on the mound,....shootin rocket fire to an increasing lighter Gaspipe (lighter as the waterweight sweat into his CUP that he borrowed from Tatley jus that afternoon, for the big game at BWilla).  Ratchild mows down the first 2........up steps CRash,....that's right,...the very same CRASh who dons the Saints blue & silver from time to time,.......... 

Here comes the first pitch,........JJJJJJJJJuuuuuusssssst a littttttllle bit inside,.......and she sets ole crash into the first stage of diarehhea....   .....end of tape,....(SORRY,...folks we seem to have lost alot of the game tape from there on),...... 

CWB,....let's pick it up again in the 4th inning,..... 

Up steps Tiny!!! 

CWB:,....by the way,...for those of you who don't know Tiny,.....he is big and beautiful, and has got guns that oughta be registered with the department of homeland security!!!  He runs somewhere jus a bit faster than ole Larry,...and just a bit less than Rabbit without the battery in the back,......Biggest Heart on the team,...2nd biggest arse next to Nooner's,....meaner than a junkyard dog,...able to leap small puddles in a single bound.....swings the heaviest stick on the team,....jus a lil bit lighter than the ole Babe Ruth bat,...if you don't believe me,...sneak over to the bat rack,..and swing his bat!!  Sorry for the delay,..........back to the game,.... 

Up steps Tiny,!!!! 

The war begins,..............after about 15 pitches,....lots of bad calls,....lots of stallerballs,........TTTTTWWWWWAAACCCKKKKK,........back,...back,....back,........back,....way back,.......and she's gone,....a homerun for Eicher,........juuuuuussss missin that little messersmith of Crash's outside the homerun fence..... 

Tiny could be seen sprinting around the bases hardly not touchin the ground!!! 

This would prove to be the hammer that broke the Crash Dogs back on this 117 degree night at Big Willow!! 

ring,.......ring,........... 

CWB,...hello,....who is there? 

caller:,......This is Eicher calling!! 

CWB,....hello Tiny,....congrats on a great game!!!!!! 

Tiny:,.....I am callin cause I am ticked,....and I am missin my gear,....and there is gonna be hell to pay if it ain't returned soon!~!!!! 

CWB,....sorry,...Tiny,.....what are you talkin about,... 

Tiny,...well,...after my homerun trot,....ya know,...that full blown sprint that I took somewhere around 360 ft,...and after about 27 stallerlike swings,...I had broke quite a sweat,.....and frankly there was jus a little chafin goin on down between my thighs,....so I quickly changed my big boy shorts between the inning,.,/.. and after the game,....I went to look for them,....and they were gone,......some so-called Saint stole my goods!!!  Help me CWB,....help me get em back!!! 

CWB,....wait a minute Tiny,.....it is all startin to make sense to me now,....!!!  After the game,...I saw rattlesnake sneak-off ahead of everyone as DaveyPackAttack was toasting another Saints win with his RonCatrone,.....& I saw Crash chasin him,.....then I saw Rattlesnake tyin something to the back of his big ole Harley,.....just after he took down "old glory", off the big ole flag pole,....and he drove off with a big ole new flag,...trailin about 25 feet,........it was about 25 feet long,....with a big ole bacon strip lookin color to it,..right down the middle,........were those yours? 

Tiny,.....Aw,...that's OK, I guess,...Rattlesnake jus probably wanted em to attract the chicks!!!   CLICK 

CWB,....well,....we gotta rap it up tonight,........Goodnight, all!!!!!  See ya next Friday night!!!! 

........6 hours pass,.......... 

CWB heads to his Mom & Dad's for Saturday breakfast,....as he does every Saturday,....to spend the day with his folks,...... 

I walk in the door,....hug & kiss my Mom & Dad,....and they quickly ask me,......"How did your game go last night"?  Did the Saints win?  Who was the star?    MOM,.....it is a whole team full of stars,.....we got Wilgy, RATchild, Abby, 18, Donk, Hitman, Cornhole, Packattack, Kiddo, Tenman,..SchmittyKitty, Eunice,..a.k.a.Tiny,...JoeJoe,...a.k.a. shithead,...Crash,..Rattlesnake,...Lucky,....Cuz, sweetcheeksAndy,...Donny, MikeyMikeStaller, frigginBillytheKid, Sodey, & me , MOM,.... 

CWB,......"Mom,....how come they all think I look FAT,.....? 

MOM,....."Son,...you ain't FAT,....you are jus pleasantly HUSky!!""  Now sit down and eat your breakfast,....or you will just wilt away,....you are gettin so skinny!!!! 

I Love you MOM<......... 

The Saints rule!!!!!!!

7/15/2005

THREE,............TWO,............FOUR

WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  This ain't no PIPEline,........& I can't even spell Chronicle,......& although I have been known to have corn in my stool the next morning after eating corn on the cob,....this ain't no CAN O Corn,..... 

WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Dear Saints,........ 

99Welcome,......I thought you might enjoy a recent transcript from the radio station CWB@2fittySOE.com  (chubbywaterboy @ 250lbs, struck out eddie) playing recently at midnight after a cakeaters whooparse party!!! 

324,........324,......324,........324,...........324,..... 

All you late night radio fans,........Did you all tune in for that beaut?   One out in the bottom of the first,...sacks loaded,...Corny pickin bugars in the dugout keepin the book, Billy Ferris downin a cup o water with his mean pill in hand,.....Crash admiring his Saints uniform,...thinkin he surely looks sweeter in blue & silver than that dingyole CoonDogs uni,.....10man on the mound,..............THWACK,.....a sharp stingin chopper to Tiny at one,...gracefully he scoops, twists like a ballerina,...shoots a pill to RATCHILD at the plate,....Ratchild,.....cocks,...loads,.....fires back a SEED to Shithead covering at one,..........324 double play,..for the Minnetonka Saints,......!!!!   Even an ornery Billy was seen to have cracked a smile!!!  The rattlesnake was speechless!!!!!!!! 

I wonder if you were all thinkin what I was thinkin?    During infield,....a re-born Saint,....Corny,....hits infield to a really inspired group of Saints.   We have never looked so crisp,.....never ever looked so much a TEAM!!!  Chatter, and leather!!! POP,..POP,....POP!!!  The Saints of 05 are a special group!! 

ring,.....ring,..........(another phone caller) 

CWB:   Hello,.....welcome to CWB2fittySOE,....who do I have on the line,.......?? 

Caller:  uuuh,...uh,... my name is Ttyme WheelTAT,....er, I mean Paul Kimmel,...from TonkaDiner,.........er,...uh,.... 

CWB:  Thanks for your call,.....Kimmel,.......(off air,...youfriggin ornery cuss),.....what can we do for ya tonight? 

Caller:  Well,....I was thinkin about comin to a game, soon,....and was hopin to learn a little bit more about ya'all, so I can enjoy the game more,......!! 

hangup,........zzzzzzzzz 

CWB:  Hey KIMMelTatley,......enjoy the game,...huh?  Well ya want to know a lil bit more about the Saints do ya,....well I am the man to talk to ya about the Saints,.....here is your scouting report,.......& we will see ya at the game,.......in the other dugout,...ya didn't fool me with your stupid disguised voice with a muffled LONEspur napkin over the mouthpiece ya drunk..... 

ring,.....ring,......ring,........... 

CWB,......hey,...hold that next caller,....let me finish with the first one. 

Here ya go,.....radio fans,........Welcome to the Saints jungle,...... 

In no particular order,.......& surely not by good looks,......ya bunch of grey haired over the hill athletes,...why don't ya all use some of Radam's newest haircare product and color your roots,....... 

JoeJoe,....some call him shithead,........some wish he would just use a little coppertone,...and lay out on the back deck,...and get a few rays,......JoeJOe shoots a pill somewhere in the friggin 80's with a narly curve,.....perhaps the most gifted all around defensive talent on the field,......er,....shutup Billy,....you can't be the best at everything,......;.>),......Runs like the wind,...when his yap is closed,..... 

18,.....Best all around hair on the team,.....never out of place,........swings a mean stick,....power all fields,......glove as soft as Tiny's butt cheeks!!!   Voted most liked on the team,......just ahead of Corny,..............shutup Noonan,....that was mean,....everyone likes Corny more,........Radam can do it all,.....hits like a machine,....power to the gaps & has lighttower power,..... 

Larry,.......Slowest on the team, when Noonan misses the game,....and Tiny is in the parking lot,......Heart as big as Andy's crack,......and a love for the game that even Crash ponders in his sleep.   Some call him Kiddo,......some hold him up at first on a sure triple for anyone else,......fastball clocks at around 45 mph,...but can throw junk that can corksqrew the BEST into the ground.....!! 

Burnsie,.....tenman,...10Man,....famous for the ole 98terrrrrrrr,....the ACE,.....the gamiest cat to put on a Saints uniform,........TPB ((.TopBarPower  )), for his top of the fence rope hit 3 years ago at BW that didn't quite have enough 18 juice to carry out!!!!!   When he is on the mound,......a W is likely,......& I ain't talkin bout George W, our finest Preside,.....shutup Nooner,....keep the politics out!!!  The Heartbeat of the Saints!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also,...the best voice with a mike in his hand!! 

Staller,.......has more chicks than a henhouse,.......oh,...shutup,...that ain't funny,.........tries to mimmick Larry's hairstyle,.......oh shutup,....that ain't funny, either,........loves Gatzke,...& if we didn't see him with his gals in the stands,...we woulda wondered,.......nobody's car in foul territory down the leftfield line is safe,........ 

Gatzke,......Gaspipe,.....florida hitman,......shaped like a big ole Heart,....,....er,..has a big friggin heart,.....er,....I mean,........he has a big ole heart!!!!!   Glove like glue,.....runs like Winnie the Pooh,... 

..shutup Noonan,.....that is a cheapshot,...did you get into billy & donny's mean pills,........GATZKE

G     Greatglove

A     a smaller Arse than Eicher

T     Timely bat,....alll field threat!!!

Z     No zits anywhere in sight

E     Educated beyond belief,.....er,..at least more than most of us dummies. 

Billy,........unorthodox,......nice when he wants to be,.....bully when he has to be,........games on the line,..who else would ya want with the stick in his hand,........  Has played with 58 different teams,...in the process of inventorying the uni's to get them all returned!!  The TOTAL PACKAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!,........actually called me when I was writing this,....& begged me to say something NICE about him,......well,...how about,......."his attendance has been pretty good at his recent anger management class,...per his instructor".......Recently kicked in his dogs teeth,...cause he felt out of practice,...........shutup noonan,..that was just WRong,....& even mean,....your are right,.....Billy,..I got your back,.....I am your biggest FAN!!!!!  No one I want coverin my back,....more!!!  Daddy of WIMWAM!!!  WimWam Rocks!!!!!!  He can drop a tootsie roll in my pool anyday of the week!!! 

WILGY,........QUIET THUNDER,.......I am sure that he has a different gear in his ole tranny,.....it is called,....GLIDE!!!!!!!  What a threat,....!!!  The first 5-6 deeps flys hit this year by opposing teams, I know I sat in the dugout,..and went,..."aw crap",...there is a hit,....now I sit back, & say,...."Wilgygotit!!!!!", and sit back and watch him glide!!  Perenial leadoff!!!!! Imagine a team with the speed of Wilgy, Schmitty, Pack, and JoeJoe, and Jake,................shutup Billy,...you can't be in every category,!!!!!  Wilgy,...that halo on our hats was for you,....YOuare a real Saint!!!!! 

Schmitty,......the kitty,...Schmitty City, the kitty,.......chicks dig him,....he runs like the wind,.........he is a Laker Eater,...no one performs against the lakers better than schmitty,.....A Wheeler masher,......and laker thrasher,....perhaps the greatest turnaround story for the year,....his re-newed attitude is silently filtering through the dugout and having a great effect on everyone around,...& it shows!! 

Abby,.......oh where oh where has my Abby gone,....oh where oh where has he gone,.......???  Shutup Noonan,...you don't even have a good voice!!!  Abby is committed to finishing the year with a Saints uniform on!!  The new team CHEF!!!  The scariest swing on the team,.......puts the most fear in an opposing team, simply by his presence in the dugout,.....no one even attempts to run on him, and if they do,......we just simply pick it up in centerfield, and throw it back in,.....shutup noonan,...that was billylike mean!!!!!  Abby we need you BRO!!  Come back home Shane,..er,.I mean ABBY!!!!!!!!!! 

Corny,.............................................................................just imagine if you were the opposing pitcher,.......imagine how low your pitch count could be if you faced Corny every spot in the order,....even if a pitcher gave up 15 hits in the game to a lineup of Corny's,....with a total out count of 27 for the game,....it would still mean only 42 total pitches for the game!!!  Prettiest swing on a right hand player not playin for money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Without a doubt the meanest guy on the team,.....no,..shutup that was meant for Donny & Billy,.....Corny is just a big old mushball who brightens up the dugout,.....makes everyone glad that they are slappin mosquito;'s on a summer night,.....makes us all feel like we are little kids at the playground again!!!!!!!!!! 

Crash,.........This guy dates chicks who can't even get a drivers license,.....& CAN!!!!!  Tied with Radam for best looks on the Saints,.....when Eicher is unable to attend the game,....and Gatzke is taking a dump between innings!!!  Crash restored the Love for the game,....for us all!!  Crash is just Crash,....and although that ain't 18,....it is pretty special!!!  Longest tenured besides JoeJoe,....but, at least has the decency to keep his shirt on after a game, so as to not scare away thelittle kids,.....least likely to ever pinch run for Eicher again!!!  Drives a Cool car,.....sues people,....& talks for long periods of time on the phone to Corny late at night!!  What are you doin in a Coon Rapids Uni?  Come home Crash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Rattlesnake:  Currently the Hotel Manager for the Heartbreak Hotel,.........partime woodworker,...makes chairs for Burnsie,.........could use one leg of Noonan's pants for a full length sleeping bag,......drives a Harley cause Eicher does,.......runs like a deere, cause Pack does,...........colors his hair grey,....cause he has more than most of the guys on the team,...and chicks dig the grey,...........has the special gift,......!!!!!!  the most precious gift of them all,........!!!!!!  little kids love him,.....all ages,.......love him cause he has a heart like there best friend they all wish they had!!!!!!!!! 

Pack:,........has the meanest friggin,...wig wearing CUZ,.....more mean crap again Noonan,......Cuz is only mean, cause he sat by Billy in that "anger managmeent class" they both took for extra credit when they were in there school days,.....Still goes on record for the sweetest homerun ever witness by CWB at Chaska field,........probally still risin,...& ain't where near landing,.............covers more ground in a night in the outfield than Larry has covered in his 48 years of baseball,.......sorry Larry,....I was thinkin of Donny & Billy,...& it just makes me ornery,.....PackMan,...PacMan,...Packmaniac,....Packattack,.....a rack of packattack,.......My MVP vote every time!!!!!!!! 

Andy!  Funny,.....gut rippin,.......prettiest homerun ever hit at AppleValley,.....Sodergrens best girl,.......gone AWOL,.....Andy,..come back,......we need you,....we want you on that WALL!!!!!!  The simple HIT of the Saints 04 Awards banquet!!!!!!!! 

Noonan:   Sweaty,....turtlelike,.....makes the best ice coldest water cooler! 

Donkey:,...........Willie Wonka & the Chocolate factory,.......reminds me of Donkey & the Hit Factory!!  A professional hitter,..........rosy cheeked after one beer,........shows his booty after 12 beers,.....If a beer drinkin contest was held,....and every team had to send one representative,.....we would be hardpressed,......who do we send,....JoeJoe,....Lucky,...........naw,...send in the Donk!!!!!!!!!!!!   When Donk shows,........don't you just all get the feelin that we got a shot at winnin!!??  I do!! 

Kenny the Rat,........Ratchild in the city,....lookin fine and feelin pretty,.............popey like forearms,..........throws a pill around 90like,........more fans than schmitty has chicks,........more fans than donkey drinks beers,......more fans than billy takes mean pills,........more fans than noonan has cellulite marks on his ass,......more fans than larry takes steps before he throws,...er,..I mean minutes,.......more fans than 18 has hair folicles,......even if they are sown in,.........RATCHILD is the Saints teeth,.........the pitbull in a Saints uni!~!!!!!  Everyone climb on Eicher's back,...and let's follow Kenny to the Playoffs!!!!!!!!!

Donny,......if he was a DOG,....he would be a mean friggin pitbull with big narly teeth, and long claws,...and black, and dirty,...and tougher than nails,................but,...underneathe that drool,.....just a big sweetheart waiting to get out!!!  a bat that is just $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$  Every umpires best friend!!!!!!! 

JoeJoe says it best,..............SHUTUTP NOONER!!!!!!!! 

This years team might best be described as a group of guys, where no one has to carry the entire load,......no one has to be the star,...cause it is a team of 16 stars,....16 hot bats,.....a whole bunch of great gloves,.......a bunch of speed,..except Larry & Noonan,.... 

The only thing that will stop the Saints this year,..........is the Saints themselves,...........& the only thing that will put the Saints over the top,...is "INDIVIDUAL COMMITMENT TO A GROUP EFFORT ,.....that is what makes a team work,........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The Saints GROUP!!! 

ring,........ring,................ 

CWB:,.....hello,.....who is it??? 

Donkey,........ 

CWB:,......well,....what did you want,....why did you call? 

Donkey,.......smile,.......................I am jus sittin hear,...crying,......happy to be back,...as a Saint.....",....background noise,.....",........ last call,.....(at the Spur) 

CWB:,..........If I could write with Crash's with,.......& Corny's charm,.........or had the skills of Gatzke's pen,.......I would tell you in there ways which would be so much sweeter than mine,...................... 

"THANKS from the bottom of my Heart",.........I feel blessed to call you guys my friends!!!!!!! 

Shutup Noonan,......you still ain't startin,........get your butt back on the pine!!!!!!!!!!!  OK,.....thanks Scotty!!!