Position:
C
Bats/Throws: R/R
Nicknames: Cuz
Single: And trying to exploit every single minute of it!
Baseball Background: Cuz has never really played much organized baseball. He played T-ball for a few years during his remedial education years in elementary school where he dominated the competition. Unfortunately, he was finally forced to retire from the league because he was so much bigger and stronger than the other students and the teachers feared he might hurt someone. This was not, as many at the time believed, because he had a sudden growth spurt in 4th grade, but rather because he was 23 at the time. Disconsolate, he drifted for several years through a seemingly endless string of Industrial ‘D’ and co-rec softball leagues as well as uncounted sexual encounters with any transgender “entertainers” and farm animals that he encountered. Finally, incarcerated in a halfway house for the fourth time in two years, he met another recovering sex addict transvestite, named “Gloria”, and they found they had many interests in common. Among these interests was baseball. Several years earlier, Gloria had befriended a player on the Hopkins Raspberries town team, named Jimmi. Jimmi was the catcher for the Raspberries, not because he particularly enjoyed catching - actually, the pitches kind of hurt his supple hands – but rather because he enjoyed having the opposing batters’ crotches at eye-level when they came to the plate. Through Jimmi, Cuz learned the true meaning of being a 'receiver' and was able to secure a spot on the ‘Berries’ roster. Not because he was a good baseball player but because he was a cop, and everyone knows that cops have the best dope. This arrangement, however, lasted less than two seasons as Cuz had a falling out with team over his misuse of a fungo bat during one of the team’s many “bondage nights”, which served as both a bonding experience for the team and recruiting exercises for young college players.
Once again, finding himself adrift in a sea of meaningless, drug-induced sexual encounters, separated from his beloved game, Cuz apprehensively went to his cousin, Pac-Man, for help. At first, Pac was unsure that he was even related to Cuz. After all, he reasoned, there had never before been a single instance in recorded Packard family history of anyone having both male and female genitalia. But, family is family so Pac took Cuz under his wing and did his best to straighten the young lad out. And though Cuz still frequents establishments in the seedier neighborhoods and is fond of meeting new friends at wayside rest areas, Pac did succeed in getting him onto the Saints baseball team. The Saints have readily, if uneasily, accepted Cuz as one of their own this year, even with all of his faults. This may speak more to the makeup of the team than to any sense of tolerance held by the team.
Saints Lifetime Stats:
|
Seas |
Gms |
AB |
Runs |
Hits |
RBI |
2B |
3B |
HR |
BB |
K |
E |
SB |
AS |
SAC |
GWH |
DP |
Avg. |
OBP |
|
1 |
14 |
6 |
5 |
3 |
3 |
0 |
0 |
0 |
4 |
0 |
0 |
0 |
0 |
0 |
0 |
0 |
.263 |
.333 |